I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Randomize
