So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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