Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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