the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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