I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
