then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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