The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
