I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
