i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my poor anus
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
