cat food counts as protein by the way
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
