You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
