Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
