UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
