Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
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I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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