ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
