Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
