It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
