You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
