we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
