I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
