Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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