if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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