please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
