scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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