even my farts smell like vagina
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
