did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
