please come you make the beer taste better
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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