I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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