im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
