Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
