she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
