Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
