the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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