I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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