dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
