please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
