All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
