We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
