It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
