I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
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We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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