Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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