Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My Sexting was not on an AP level
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
