This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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