The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
