Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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