you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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