I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
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That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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