I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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