I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize