just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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