THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
