I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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