My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
