When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
