We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
