can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize