Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
