That's intense
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
