Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
