Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
