Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
