garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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